we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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