I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
