I wish I could teleport
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
