how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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