I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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