We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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