my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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