new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
