he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
