oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
