If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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