i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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