And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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