Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
