Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
