my shit smells like andre
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
