My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
