It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
