I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
