____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dicks are not precious.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
