i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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