Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
