I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
