I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
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He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
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I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?