fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
