Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(608): View more from Wisconsin

Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.

(608): View more from Wisconsin

Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.

Fav 18 1503 2902
share tweet
(530): View more from California

You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.

Fav 8 1733 6246
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(651): View more from Minnesota

You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..

Fav 18 6040 889
share tweet
(514): View more from Quebec

please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...

(1-514): View more from Quebec

Does an alley count?

Fav 8 1632 3136
share tweet
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(270): View more from Kentucky

I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...

Fav 8 4277 1160
share tweet
(607): View more from New York

she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well

Fav 2 2065 1138
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(616): View more from Michigan

I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?

Fav 3 571 815
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(479): View more from Arkansas

National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.

Fav 2 423 285
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist

Fav 0 10 79
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT