there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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