remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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