Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
