I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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