Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
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me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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