My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
