some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
