I will die if light touches me.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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