True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
