I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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