Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
