I can feel you judging me through the phone.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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