I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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