That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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