I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize