It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
