do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
