So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
