I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
