I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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