oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
