i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
