I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
my poor anus
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think pants incapable of making pants work
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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