If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
