Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
