whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
