I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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