your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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