So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
