I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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