I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
