I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
