I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
