Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
