I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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