I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize