im six kinds of drunk right now
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize