my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
