I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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